joke seru

10 Tips Selingkuh Berikut adalah 10 tips untuk berselingkuh dengan aman: 1. Jangan melakukan lebih 2x, karena kalau lebih dari 2x perasaan Anda akan berbicara. Kalau udah begini tahi kuda bisa serasa coklat. Keluarga di rumah bisa nggak diingat. 2. Cari partner selingkuh yang sejajar baik dari segi ekonomi maupun mental. Kalau partner selingkuh Anda ekonomi lemah, Anda akan diporoti habis-habisan. Anda akan ditelpon 57x sehari. Kursi yang anda duduki bisa panas bagai bara. 3. Bila partner selingkuh sudah menunjukkan gejala-gejala cinta, segera tinggalkan. Kalau Anda terlambat maka partner selingkuh Anda akan berubah jadi "ingus". Kalau udah nempel ditangan, dikibas-kibas kagak mau lepas...ampuuuuun kasian deh loeee. 4. Jangan mengobral harapan, terutama kalau partner Anda termasuk berwajah cantik/ganteng tapi IQ jongkok. Anda bisa dikejar terus dengan janji Anda yang mau mengawini, membelikan ini, itu dll. 5. Bikin perjanjian di depan, semacam pre-nuptial agreement begitu. Bahwa hubungan ini hanya akan begini dan begitu dan tak lebih dan tak kurang dari itu. 6. Hal terpenting dalam dunia perselingkuhan, jangan sampai Anda jatuh cinta. Kalau Anda type yang mesti jatuh cinta kalau selingkuh, lebih baik Anda kimpoi lagi atau cerai dan kimpoi lagi. 7. Jangan sekali-kali berpikir untuk menekan "per unit cost". Kalau Anda type pelit lebih baik tidak usah coba-coba selingkuh, kecuali kalau Anda di pihak yang "diongkosi". 8. Lakukan pada siang/pagi hari, lebih sulit dilacak dan lebih mudah dan banyak waktu untuk menghilangkan jejak. 9. Kelemahan Anda adalah identitas Anda, cari juga kelemahan partner selingkuh Anda. Sehingga score tetap 1:1 terus. 10. Jangan lupa pakai "protection". Print dan simpan email ini, siapa tahu bermanfaat nanti....atau sekarang??? Hehehe... Ban Mobil Sedan Ada Berapa? Suatu hari ada da orang sahabat sedang main tebak-tebakan, sebut saja mereka Bejo dan Bedu. Bejo : "Du, kamu tau gak ban mobil sedan ada berapa buah?" Bedu : "Ya jelas empat to Jo..!!!" Bejo : "Salah..!!!" Bedu : "Lho, kok salah!!! Emangnya ada berapa!!!" Bejo : "Coba kamu hitung, didepan bannya ada berapa?" Bedu : 2 Bejo : "Di belakang..?" Bedu : 2 Bejo : "Di samping kiri..?" Bedu : 2 Bejo : "Disamping kanan..?" Bedu : 2 Bejo : "Jadi totalnya berapa!!???" (dengan nada sok pintar) Bedu : "DELAPAN..."

kata2 mutiara

kata mutiara -Kata Kata Mutiara Kehidupan Jangan sesali sesuatu yg telah berakhir, meskipun itu baik. Tanpa akhir tak akan pernah ada awal baru yg mungkin lebih baik. -Ketika kamu telah mencoba segalanya, kamu telah lakukan semampumu, tapi tak juga bisa, serahkanlah pada Tuhan. PRAY! -Bersyukurlah atas apa yg kamu miliki saat ini, karena masih banyak orang di sekeliling kamu yg masih kurang beruntung. -Akan ada solusi untuk setiap masalah. Hidup terlalu singkat jika hanya untuk mengeluh. Berusaha, percaya diri dan berdoa. -Hidupmu adalah milikmu, kamu sendiri yg menentukan baik buruknya, dan kamulah yg memimpin dirimu sendiri, bukan orang lain. -Kenali dirimu sendiri dulu sebelum kamu mulai berbicara buruk tentang orang lain. Sudah pantas kah kamu menilai orang lain? -Masa lalu adalah pembelajaran tuk lebih dewasa dalam menyikapi masalah yg mungkin sama dengan yg kita alami dimasa lalu. -Mahkotai hati dengan keikhlasan. Karena hal itu akan menjadikan kita tetap bertahan dalam menghadapi rumitnya kehidupan. -Berhenti sia-siakan hidup menunggu dia yg tak akan pernah jadi milikmu. Hidupmu terlalu berharga tuk itu. -Hidup ini sulit, apa yg kamu inginkan tak akan selalu kamu dapatkan, namun jangan pernah menyerah. Berusaha dan berdoa. -Jangan hiraukan mereka yg berbicara buruk di belakangmu, mereka yg menghabiskan waktunya hanya tuk memikirkan dirimu. -Jika seseorang tulus mencintaimu, tak ada yg mampu buatnya jauh darimu. Jika tidak, tak ada yg mampu buatnya tetap bersamamu. -Kadang kamu harus melepaskan, bukan karena tak cinta, tapi karena kamu lebih mencintai dirimu yg terus terluka. -Hanya karena seseorang pernah melakukan salah di masa lalu, tak berarti dia tak bisa lakukan hal yg baik saat ini. -Terkadang, menangis hanya membuat matamu setingkat lebih jernih sebelum melihat kebahagiaan. -Dengan memudahkan hidup orang lain, hidup kita akan dimudahkan oleh Tuhan.

Politik

Marzuki Dukung SBY Keluarkan Perppu MK Marzuki menilai MK dalam kondisi darurat setelah Akil dicokok KPK. ddd Senin, 7 Oktober 2013, 18:46 Suryanta Bakti Susila, Nila Chrisna Yulika Ketua DPR Marzuki Alie dan Presiden Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono Ketua DPR Marzuki Alie dan Presiden Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono(Setpres/ Abror Rizki) BERITA TERKAIT Kasus Suap Ketua MK, KPK Sita CCTV Hotel Red Top Jawara Banten Laporkan Adik Gubernur Ratu Atut ke KPK Keluarga Bentuk Tim Pengacara untuk Ratu Atut Adik Ditahan KPK, Ratu Atut Gelar Rapat Keluarga Sore Ini Mahfud: Majelis Kehormatan Tak Ganggu Proses Hukum Akil di KPK Follow us on Google+ VIVAnews - Ketua Dewan Perwakilan Rakyat, Marzuki Alie, menyambut baik rencana Presiden Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono untuk membuat peraturan pengganti perundang-undangan (Perppu) mengenai Mahkamah Konstitusi. Menurut Marzuki, membuat Perppu adalah kewenangan presiden sepenuhnya yang dikeluarkan dalam kondisi darurat. Marzuki menilai saat ini MK tengah berada dalam keadaan genting karena ketuanya, Akil Mochtar, ditangkap oleh Komisi Pemberantasan Korupsi. "MK adalah pengadilan yang sangat powerfull yang mengalami persoalan krisis," kata Marzuki di Gedung DPR, Senin 7 Oktober 2013. Ditangkapnya Ketua MK menimbulkan persoalan sebab semua keputusan MK diambil secara kolektif kolegial. Marzuki berharap publik jangan dulu menilai bahwa Perppu itu melanggar konstitusi. "Harus baca dulu isinya yang jelas presiden tidak akan melanggar konstitusi, makanya mengundang kepala lembaga tinggi negara untuk menanyakan masukan," kata dia. Marzuki mengku mendapat banyak masukan dari masyarakat bahwa MK dibubarkan saja dan semua hakim yang tersisa dipecat. "Padahal hakim konstitusi tidak bisa dipecat," kata Marzuki. (eh)

Pemain Terbaik Asia Tenggara Pekan Ini

SPESIAL: Pemain Terbaik Asia Tenggara Pekan Ini (2-8 September 2013)  Pemain Terbaik Asia Tenggara Pekan Ini Le Cong Vinh USIA 27 POSISI Striker KLUB Consadole Sapporo Pencetak gol terbanyak Vietnam, Le Cong Vinh, menjadi pemain terbaik Asia pekan ini. Dua golnya ke gawang Hokkaido University di Emperors Cup Sabtu lalu menjadi alasan Cong Vinh dinilai layak mendapatkan penghargaan ini. Striker 27 tahun tersebut, yang dipinjamkan SNLA ke tim Divisi J-League 2 Consadole Sapporo, menyamakan kedudukan di menit 14 setelah timnya tertinggal di sepuluh menit laga pada babak pertama. Dia kemudian mencetak gol keduanya di menit 35. Le Cong Vinh juga terus mengancam di 45 menit kedua dan beberapa kali nyaris menambah koleksi golnya di laga ini. Selamat buat Le Cong Vinh, Peraih penghargaan pertama Goal untuk Pemain Terbaik Asia Tenggara pekan ini! NOMINASI LAINNYA Kyi Lin - Myanmar U23 Deputi editor Goal Thailand Thana Wongmanee: "Gelandang serang ini baru saja berusia 21 tahun lima hari lalu dan tampil mengesankan di Piala Merdeka antara Myanmar dan Thai All Star. Kyi Lin membuat satu assist krusial untuk gol penyama kedudukan yang diciptakan Zayar Win. Jika penampilannya terus berkembang, Yangon United mungkin terlalu kecil untuknya." Irfan Fazail - Malaysia U23 Deputi editor Goal Malaysia Sadat Osman: "Kapten dari Harimau Muda Malaysia itu memiliki kemampuan untuk menjadi panutan saat melawan Singapura U-23. Dia menjadi pemimpin yang baik di tengah lapangan, sekaligus menjadi motor serangan andal Malaysia. Di ajang Turnamen Merdeka, Fazail pantas masuk dalam nominasi MVP. Boaz Solossa - Persipura Jayapura Goal Indonesia Eric Noveanto: "Striker 'Mutiara Hitam' Persipipura Jayapura itu mencetak dua gol di depan pendukung Persepam Madura di Stadion Gelora Bangkalan. Dua golnya itu membawanya semakin dekat dengan gelar topskor Indonesia Super League 2013. " Adul Lahso - Chonburi FC Deputi editor Goal Thailand Thana Wongmanee: "Adul menjadi pemain kunci bagi Chonburi di pertandingan melawan Muangthong United di laga klasik Thailand. Dia berhasil mencetak gol penyama kedudukan di SCG Stadium, yang membuat timnya masih berpeluang meraih gelar juara.

M.U

                                                                                                                                                                         

              Is Man United's transfer policy in question?

Author: Azhar Belaal Published : 03 Sep 2013 16:02:01Rss feed847 Views0 Comments

£600m, that is the record sum that other Premier League clubs have spent in the frenetic past two months in an attempt to wrestle the trophy from Manchester United’s grasp.

The current champions’ last-ditch addition of Marouane Fellaini to the relatively modest purchase of the Uruguayan Guillermo Varela earlier in the summer brought their total spending to just under £30m, but it was the cash left unspent that has provoked the greatest reaction. On forums, television programmes and in even the most esteemed of newspapers, the club’s approach to conducting their summer transfer business has torpedoed from all angles.

‘Humiliation for Manchester United’ cried the Telegraph, ‘deadline-day farce’ opined the Guardian, and ‘Woodward ripped to shreds’ claimed one online forum. The target of much of the venom has been Ed Woodward, United’s recently appointed executive vice-chairman, for failing to close the deals that had been touted earlier in the summer. The finger of blame has also been pointed at new manager David Moyes, and the paucity of big names arriving at Old Trafford has left many fans voicing their frustration. Perhaps it is the frantic nature of the transfer window, the frankly outrageous sums of money being exchanged, or the appetite for instant and endless overload of information through the media, but the real facts are being obscured. A healthy dose of realism is clearly missing.
The details of the failed negotiations to secure the services of Cesc Fabregas, Thiago Alcantara and Ander Herrera may never be known, but the linking of big names with United has always been treated by seasoned fans with hope more than expectation. Wesley Sneijder, Mesut Ozil and Ronaldinho are just some of the names that were keenly awaited at Old Trafford in past years, only to make big-money moves elsewhere.

Admittedly, the public nature of the unsuccessful pursuits this summer is a concern, and would not have helped the lure of United as the destination of choice for the world’s top players. The handling of the Fellaini transfer also left a lot to be desired, with more than a hint of desperation behind the £27m bid which could have been reduced to £23m earlier in the summer had the player’s buyout clause been activated. However, lessons will be learned and any reputational damage will surely be fleeting.

Woodward has neither the stature nor respect commanded by his predecessor David Gill, and he was always due a bruising introduction to the murky world of the transfer market. Likewise, a popular accusation levelled at David Moyes is that he struggles to attract the best players to Old Trafford because he lacks the draw of Sir Alex Ferguson. Was this not to be expected? How many managers in world football have the gravitas of Sir Alex? Fans of other clubs and sections of the media have revelled in whipping up a storm in the hopes that this finally signals the fall of the great red machine, and that United are now destined to tumble down the order of world football. Meanwhile, some United fans seem to have been swept along in the following gloom to the extend that they have forgotten their own recipe for success.
It has never been the United way to spend indiscriminately to keep up with their rivals. The capture of a ‘marquee’ signing may have excited the fans and allowed Moyes to stamp his authority on the squad, but it was never a primary concern of Sir Alex or his trusted team. If a marquee signing is defined as a player at or near his peak, having competed on the highest stage and coveted by many of the top clubs in world football, then with the exception of Robin van Persie, when was the last time United signed such a player? In fact, when did they last sign a player for over £20m, a relatively restrained figure by today’s standards.

Dimitar Berbatov in 2008, and before that Wayne Rooney nearly a decade ago. The sense of frustration felt by many is nothing new. Some venting their anger on the likes of Twitter and Facebook may not remember the summer of 1994 after United’s first successful Premier League defence. 12 players were sold, among them Mark Hughes and Paul Ince who had been the backbone of that team. That was followed by Andrei Kanchelskis and Steve Bruce a year later. Ferguson had lost the plot, according to the detractors of the time, although it did very little to halt the United juggernaut. During that period, a group of as-yet unknowns such as Paul Scholes, Gary Neville and David Beckham were being prepared and integrated in to the first team, who would, of course, go on to conquer Europe. And the trick was repeated throughout the next 15 years – a careful balancing act of continual regeneration of the squad with the consistency required in the first team to ensure there was never a long wait for silverware.

The Fergie philosophy became the Manchester United philosophy – believe in youth, add quality and potential, and an occasional sprinkling of stardust only when required. When the rush of adrenaline has subsided, a glance at the current squad should convince fans that these principles are alive and well at Old Trafford. There are technically gifted defenders such as Phil Jones, Chris Smalling and Rafael, the youthful energy and assertiveness of Wilfried Zaha and Tom Cleverley in midfield, and an attack which include the trickery of Welbeck, guile of Kagawa and the movement of Hernandez. Success may not be instant, and indeed it would be foolish for United fans to expect so.

Moyes’ biggest task will be to restore resilience to the squad and the stubborn refusal to quit that made Sir Alex’s teams so fearsome. It is undoubted that a strengthening in midfield is desirable, and while he is a fine player, it remains to be seen if Fellaini is the answer. It seems an appropriate time to see Kagawa get more playing time and allow him the freedom to demonstrate his talents. And a revitalised Rooney, if settled and committed in a red shirt, could be akin to a new signing. But for now, the Twitterati and hacks in search of a good headline have had their fun and should get down to business on, rather than off, the pitch. And if you are a Red Devil, rest assured that the old Sir Alex mentality still lives on at United, at least for now – we are United, and we don’t care what anyone else thinks.

Fellaini paid way to United

Published : 04 Sep 2013 10:01:55Rss feed1396 Views0 Comments

Marouane Fellaini took a 4 million GBP hit to complete his dream move to Manchester United.
As deadline day ticked towards its conclusion there was no sign of an end to the impasse that had United sticking to a maximum 23.5 million GBP transfer fee in line with the escape clause in Fellaini's contract that lapsed at the end of July.
And with Everton chairman Bill Kenwright holding firm on his demand for £27.5million, the Belgian took matters into his own hands.
Press Association Sport understands that Fellaini offered to waive a £4m loyalty bonus, which meant United did not have to pay any additional transfer fee and Everton got the overall amount they were demanding.
The move underlines how badly Fellaini wanted to make the switch to Old Trafford, which also included being driven to Everton's Finch Farm training complex on Monday evening to hand in a formal transfer request.
It should at least leave United fans in no doubt where Fellaini's heart lies, even if it was largely a transfer window of frustration for Red Devils supporters.
Club officials have been able to point to the notable achievement of keeping Wayne Rooney, despite Chelsea's clear interest in the England forward.
Wilfried Zaha is also now on board after completing the second half of last season on loan at Crystal Palace and with manager David Moyes seemingly certain to select 18-year-old Belgian Adnan Januzaj in his first-team squad on a regular basis, there is a freshness about United.
Nevertheless, it is a window that will chiefly be remembered for the extended pursuit of Cesc Fabregas that seemed to continue long after it was doomed to almost certain failure.
In addition, United were unable to secure the marquee purchases of Cristiano Ronaldo or Gareth Bale, who are now team-mates at Real Madrid.

Manchester United

MANCHESTER UNITED FC

glory glory man united.mp3 (click to listen to the Manchester United Fan Song

MANCHESTER UNITED FOOTBALL CLUB is a team that I have been supporting since 1998. That was when they had the marvelous strike force of Andy Cole and Dwight Yorke. Back then the only reason I started liking them is because my dad was a fan and their jersey is red (thats my favorite color). But then I started watching them play and thats how I became the Die hard fan that I am today.

The teams current manager is Sir Alex Ferguson and as far as I am concerned he is the best manager that the team has ever had. He is one of the most decorated managers. This year Manchester United won the English Premier League (3rd time in a row), The Club World Cup, Carling Cup and the Community sheild. They made it to the Finals of the UEFA Champions League (2nd year in a row, they won it last year) which is the most important club tournament in the whole if Europe. They also made it to the Semi-Finals of the F.A Cup.

Manchester United has Produced alot of the best players out there. examples are Ruud Vanistelroy (who is in Real Madrid now), David Beckham, Eric Cantona (he retired from soccer a while back) and Cristiano Ronaldo (2008 Fifa Best Player. but right now he is about to transfer to Real Madrid).

 

 

L-R: Rio Ferdinand (center back) holding the English Premier League Trophy, Sir Alex Ferguson (manger), Ryan Giggs (winger) holding the European Champions League Trophy

 

When they worn the Club World Cup in 2008

 

The FIFA World Player of the YEAR 2008 was Cristiano Ronaldo. He just recently transfered to Real Madrid but he was still a Manchester United Player when he won it

 

This was when the team won the Carling cup

 

This was when they won the UEFA champions League (the biggest tournament in the whole of Europe)

 

Club Captain holding the Community Shield

Carling cup winners